he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
