I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
