Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
