If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
now i know why i became what i already was.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
