if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
