That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
