I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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