as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
