I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
