I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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