so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
