its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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