I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
