he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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