Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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