sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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