I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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