I just pynch a tree in the face
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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