...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
