the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
