You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
