I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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