fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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