Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
