if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
