Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
