I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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