I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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