Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
