i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
