farters have to be the big spoon...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
