Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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