I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
