I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
