remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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