I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
