Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
