the condom got lost in my hair
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
