Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Boobs speak an international language.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
