My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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