Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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