Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
where are my eyebrows?
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