If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
As shirtless as possible
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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