i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
