My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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