I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
