Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
