He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
