I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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