Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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