Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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